Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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