even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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