this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
