The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have tasted many bathrooms
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
