when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
