Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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