I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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