I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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