No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The Olympian is in my bed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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