Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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