he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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