Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
