guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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