I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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