remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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