Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
