Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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