he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
