Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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