rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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