I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
