We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
