I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
