Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
