I wanna bring you to show and tell
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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