guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
