note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
