I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
