It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
