Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
