He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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