Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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