Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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