does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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