I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
