his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
