So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
