he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
