Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
