there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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