I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
