i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
