im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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