You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
