i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
