I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
