omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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