woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
