I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
