Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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