Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
