somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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