You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
