dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
